December 12th, 2009 by Cy
Tonight on this first night of Hanukkah my thoughts scatter globally to all my fellow Marines who tonight are on Watch so I am not. Thank You ladies and gentlemen. OORAH and Happy Hanukkah !
December 12th, 2009 by Cy
Racing down to the corner wearing only a red flannel shirt and my chocolate brown woobie (throw blanket), I see the white, nondescript van waiting at the corner. The eerie, orange glow of the street light hides the figures sitting inside the large van.
I pull my woobie tighter about my shoulders, fending off the cold as I slowly sneak up upon the van. 16 sets of eyes stare down the wrong street – watching for my appearance.
Avoiding the icey patch below my feet, I step to the passenger side window and stare into the darkened vehicle. My body trembles, not from the cold but from seeing the 16 men sitting crammed tightly in this van. It’s been eons since I’ve seen them, and for this briefest of moments I allow myself the secret pleasure of inspecting the silhouettes of each man.
All at once the man in the front, passenger seat sense me. Whipping his eyes towards the window, he jumps as he screams “DAMN MA’AM!” All 16 pairs of eyes turn and spot me immediately. Doors open and men fly swiftly out of the vehicle. I quickly step back to the sidewalk as I watch these strong, huge men pile out of this van like clowns from a circus car.
None of us say a word as they gather close together only 3 feet from where I stand. The Man who spied me first gets out last, stepping forward from the group slightly. He stares, first at my face, then timidly down my tiny body. His eyes twist with pain and concern.
All of them do the same, silent, observing and slightly haunted by the results of the illness that has plagued me.
I stare back at the Man at the front of the group. I am struggling to maintain my own composure. I hadn’t been prepared for the emotions that seeing these 16 men again would bring out.
Instantly The Man’s hand reaches out quickly and a gloved finger lightly touches my cheek. “Damn Ma’am…. you doing ok?” He asks for all of them.
I can’t keep the single tear from rolling down my cheek as I nod quickly.
His hand jerks away and all 16 men shift awkwardly. They’ve never seen me sick. It obviously bothers them. But I smile despite our awkward moment.
“Here is the paperwork, receipt, address, contact information.” I say as I hand their leader an envelope. He takes it, glances through and nods at me before stuffing the envelope inside his peacoat.
A car honks violently as it passes the van parked halfway off the road. All 17 of us turn instantly and flip the car off. We laugh as it suddenly speeds up, squealing tires in order to get farther from this rag-tag pack.
“You sure you guys don’t wanna come to the house?” I ask as one of the men looks nervously around. Just our presence is attracting attention under this street, light on this corner.
They look up at the house I am staying at. Tox shakes his head no for the group. “Nah Ma’am, that ain’t our domain. But thanks.”
I nod. Understanding completely. Life has changed for all of us. Lines that hadn’t existed between us before, now glare obviously.
“We should be back with this item as soon as possible Ma’am. Might not be Christmas, but we’ll get back as soon as we can. We’ll call soon as we’re CONUS with it.” Tox tells me.
I smile. “No rush, and thanks, I really appreciate that you’d do this for me.”
All 16 faces break into big smiles. “Anything for you Ma’am.” One of the men says. for a split second we share a moment. Then another car zips by honking, another 17 middle fingers fly. Tox speaks for all of them, “Well we better get outta here Ma’am for the local’s get riled.”
I step back one pace as I nod. 16 of the dearest men i know start cramming themselves back into the van. Tox of course, is last.
“You start back, we’ll watch to make sure you make it, and don’t slip on the ice Ma’am. You bust yourself up and thewocketfucker will kill us.”
I snort, but turn to begin walking back up the icey hill. Turning as I hear Tox’s door slam shut, I let my tears fall now as I wave. “THANKS GUYS” I yell softly. I see 16 hands wave back before I turn and pull the woobie tighter around me.
The Van moves slightly forward, then swings around in a 360. Just as I step into the driveway, the Van speeds past the house, music blaring and men singing thru the van’s open windows.
“THUNDERSTRUCK, YEAH YEAH YEAH, said Yeah It’s alright, we’re doing fine….fine fine fine Thunderstruck…..”
I smile and shake my head. Damn men! That was our unit song. As the van slowly crests the hill, one single head hangs out the passenger side window, screaming at the top of his lungs;
“HAPPY HANUKKAH MA’AM … YOU BEEN THUNDERSTRUCK!”
Tear of happiness slide down my cheeks as the van’s taillights fade over the crest of the hill.
Happy Hanukkah Gentlemen…… and Thanks!
November 4th, 2009 by Cy
Zero Four Hundred Hours.
My Phone Rings. The Voice is familiar. The News is bad.
I just blogged about him, yesterday. I was telling Tessa about him and the others just a few nights ago. BriedBologna is dead. Killed in Action.
Today I leave on a trip, despite my health. Today I will be free to go by my choice. Today the world is less one Man. Today…….. the hole in my heart is nearly as bad as the day my sons died.
DAMNIT ALL TO HELL…….
Semper Fi and Sleep Sweetly my BriedBologna – Semper Fi
October 2nd, 2009 by Cy
©2008 - Ian Gray
This post is originally intended to be my thank you. I want to thank the man who literally saved my life last night.(Wednesday Sept 30, 2009) The man who is now my Knight in Shining Armor.
They say every girl should have one. After last night, I find indeed; I do. Of course if he is reading this, not even he knows the full story of last night, so I bet he’d argue that he saved me. Knight or not, I don’t back down from an arguement buddy so let me tell you what I now know.
Last night after being at Tree’s church, I finally left and came back to the Treehouse to rest and relax. The last time I rested or relaxed was in Missouri, at a friends wedding. I needed and more then that wanted a quiet evening. I think it lasted 30 minutes? if that long.
I hadn’t been feeling good for ….? I knew that. But come on, I have Lupus….. honestly when did I last feel good? But I had noticed I was getting….. odd? I pay close attention to my body and it’s every signal. That is how I have lived this long. So i knew I didn’t feel well, but it is fall…. weather changes, etc.
And then the pain hit. In less then 30 seconds the pain itself dropped me to my knees. And I was alone. Now most people don’t realize it, but I handle pain extremely well. (Unless it is a papercut – then I am crying like a girl – for weeks) This pain I did not handle well at all.
Actually, for a few minutes I did, but as each second ticked by I knew without a doubt something bad was happening. I sent a message I was heading to the hospital and grabbed my bag and left. THAT in and of itself should tell those who know me how bad it is. I don’t go to hospitals, not willingly.
Now after the fact I remember things better, but at the time, my memory played out like this. The drive was … unimaginable…. It seemed like I could not steer and step on the gas properly at the same time. I felt horrid. Like I was dying. I honestly thought it was my heart.
I got there, but the memory of that is now fuzzy to me. I remember wisps. Like how I was taken right to the back. Staff everywhere. I remember clothing being removed. I recall the Doctor, whom I knew at one point handing me my phone. I’d assumed it got set aside – why else would he have it right?
Basically what I am saying is I recall that busy work they do…. but it’s all a blur. Then next thing I know Doc Stevens is there. My net book is being handed to me and he is talking but I don’t quiet know or understand him? I get a shot and then… things sort of clean up, so as he says “Just work Cylithria, let me check labwork.” I realize I must have been about to turn on the netbook before he came to speak to me.
So I turn it on. It’s on my lap. Of course what was I working on? And I realize a women is near, staff. She talks. a lot. What a crazy woman. Then Doc Stevens is back. Mystically reappearing beside me. How did that happen.
Doc stares down at my screen. “What are you working on? Email?” he says pointing at my browser. “Email Cylithria, you’ve always got email to answer.” and he is pointing at the Gmail button. I keep nodding and i don’t know why. I can’t make words come out. But I do as he said. I’d get it done faster if he’d shut up you know?
Gmail is open. look at the funny colors. How pretty, but not in rainbow order….huh.
“Alright this one’s next….this one…” Doc is pointing at a Color… blood red, it has a name written inside the color and Doc leans down to read it. “Sir Duct Tape?” Doc casts me an eye shot. “I think you better reply to this one. looks important. Cylithria.”
I nod and open a window, as I start typing to Sir Duct Tape, I wonder how he knows doc. cool! I notice a lot of activity. a lot of people talking. But they talk funny. Maybe it’s Spanish, I don’t know Spanish and I don’t know what they are saying. When did I get to Spain?
On and on this dialog is running through my head. All the while my fingers type away at the tiny keyboard. Wait, am I typing stupid? It looks stupid. Close the window. Doc points at the screen. “You need to reply to Sir Duct Tape, come on, I’ll help. Open it back up.”
For a few minutes with Doc standing there I type while speaking aloud. I’m not speaking Spanish. Doc isn’t either. Why did Doc come to Spain?
Doc pokes me. Somehow I realize, I am writing an email to Sir Duct Tape. Spain, the odd talking, Doc, it all goes away and for a brief second I feel… like me. Couple more clicks and my email is off. I sit back, Stretch and hear more Spanish. When did I start seeing in black and white? Or is this grey? shades of grey turning black.
“SIT UP” Doc hollers. I snap upright and shake my head. Doc hand’s me something, I look down. It’s my ,….I read words and Doc says type. so I type – oh wow, to Sir Duct tape again…. who isn’t grey. I type and stop
Things grow shivery for me and then all at once, enter Sir Duct Tape.
“Hi!” I am surprised by his presence. “Wow I just emailed you.” and as I sit forward the grey goes away. He asks immediately how I am……… and from there it went.
Hours and hours we sat talking. We talked about things. His things, my things, family things, dead things, friend things…. just things, just talking.
Hours and hours and hours.
It was only after I was told it’d be another 20 minutes or so before I could go home that Sir Duct Tape had to get back to his business. We were both exhausted, neither wanting to actually end our time. Sometimes it is good just to talk things. but life happens no matter what. After whispered goodbyes and thank you’s, he was gone.
It wasn’t much longer before Doc and a nurse arrive at my side. They have arranged for me to be driven home. Doc knows I can’t stay in the hospital unless absolutely must. At this point he is confident they have treated the Water-Intoxication radically enough that with continued treatment at home, I should be able to spend Thursday on my couch. Friday I’d have to go back. My remaining, not completely function Kidney is getting worse.
As I sit there completely wide awake, still in physical pain but clear minded and able to comprehend things, I hear how I collapsed in the parking lot. I’m told that twice my heart went into some irregular pattern. How I was barely lucid.
“You don’t remember me yelling at you?” Doc asks as he stares at me.
I shake my head no.
“I yelled, we gave you medication, and I tried the one thing I know you spend too much time with, that computer. I don’t know what happened or who he is? But you no sooner were told you had to email him then you did.”
I’m staring in odd disbelief. The way Doc is telling me things happened isn’t how I just described it. It’s horrifically worse. And I know as I listen and think back, Doc is right because I don’t really recall that much from the time I thought, “I’m bad” until the time my Knight in Shining Armor rode in.
But once he was with me, I remember every single detail. How I asked if I could go home , not even excusing myself to him before I interrupted his words. How we laughed at things. All the stuff said, I remember it all.
So how could I have been so out of it as Doc said?
“Cylithria you were shutting down. You had nothing to focus on, and I bet nothing you felt worth fighting for at the time. I did the best I could, medically and knowing you as I do. ” Doc said. “But if Sir Duct Tape hadn’t been with you,” Doc paused and looked at the nurse who nodded. “You’d be dead now.”
If you want to go argue with doc, go ahead. He is a man who pulls no punches and has even slapped me (Literally) upside my head when I have been snotty or dorky. Doc is no drama, he has no llama and he would never, ever exaggerate or even stretch the truth. Not even for a scare factor that might get me to follow his orders.
As soon as those words came out of his mouth I knew Doc was right. I knew this because truth tears hit me like a rotten tomato.
I did get home, and I have spent the day on the couch. In and out I have had private duty staff changing bags with the needed medications to re-establish safe levels of sodium and other stuff in my blood. During the day my head has cleared more. I went in and was seen this afternoon. I go in tomorrow.
I know a lot more now then what I did before. I was bad. Had I pulled one of those times where I “sucked it up” and stayed home. Someone would have found me dead. I am not out of the woods, hell I still can barely walk. But I am getting better – leveled out. It is a time thing.
And let’s face it folks, I have Lupus. It is killing me. I will die from some complication it caused. It most likely will be my kidney or heart. No way to know when, now way to know how. The clock is ticking, loudly. But for now….. For now I sit here writing this post because I have a true blue, Knight in Shining Armor.
He rode in asking for and expecting nothing. He offered his strength, his courage and support. He listened gently, laughed boldly and told stories of things with fiery passion. If he noticed I was a bit hopped up from the drugs, he never showed it. He was concerned but didn’t coddle and he was adamant about making sure I take care of myself. he was the man who saved my life last night.
In a million bagillion years, no one could have told me it would be he. Not no way, not no how. I would not have suspected it myself. No one, not even I would have ever noticed had he not been there. No body would expect it. And yet, it was he who rode in and saved me.
Sir Duct Tape,
Thank you for riding in and saving me. There is no other way to say that except as I did. I’m not afraid of dying, but I do so love to live. So it is greatly appreciated. But thank you even more for something far greater then keeping me alive.
Thank you for the fact that during our time, with you, I was truly just me. It has been 15, 20 years since I realized as I sat there, I was just me at that moment. You afforded me the safety and sanctuary to be 100% pure Cylithria.
You truly are my Knight in Shining Armor…..
After all, Duct Tape Fix’s Everything 
*kiss*
May 24th, 2008 by Cy
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