July 2nd, 2008 by Cy

It’s been a hectic, hairy month the month of June has. Monday I had minor outpatient surgery on my uterus. That’s had me staying very low key busy versus trying to get my dead and dying ass up and get big stuff done. I’m feeling better, everything is fine, so that’s a plus. I have the entire months worth of “Home” posts to back post for June. I’m going to try and get to it today, if not today then tomorrow. It seems like so much needs my attention at times, but I am getting by.

How has everyone else been doing? Hopefully well. I am bound and determined that this month, the month of July, the month of the birthday of our country and our freedoms will be the month I become free from this awful, stagnent, wretched writers block type stuff i have. The story is in my mind. It flutters through my dreams, it taunts my waking hours, and yet when i sit down to write – nada. But this month, come hell, high water or my damned death due to forcing it, I WILL be free of it. a year of writers duh is enough for me. Hell to those who robbed me last July and in a sense robbed my sweet muse too.

Fuckas.

Anyway, Yep I’m alive, I’m kicking, I went for a motorcycle ride recently and oh was that beautiful. Two A’s has been around, Sarie’s doing well and soon enough, by end of this month my sweetling will be born. w00t.

Freedom…….. I’m fighting to get mine back – at least from this writers cramp I’m having. What are you fighting for this month?

Dork On,

June 19th, 2008 by Cy

“Home”

I hope you’ll be missing me – The Perishers

You helped them to kill me
That’s all that I’m willing to say
You no longer thrill me
All you do now is stand in my way

I hope you’ll be missing me like I will miss you
I hope you’ll be missing me like I will miss you
I hope you’ll be missing me like I will miss you
I hope you’ll be missing me like I will miss you
I hope you’ll be missing me like I will miss you

June 11th, 2008 by Cy

I’m Still Alive Folks, Honest.

Somedays are a struggle, that is true, but I am alive and I have been blogging everyday – This Month’s NaBloPoMo Theme is “Home”. So every Paper or file blog I made, is about my various ‘homes’ over the last 39 years of my life. (Will back post them later tonight – I hope)

Todays Home Themed Blog is simple.

They Say ‘Home is where the heart is.” Well then……… here’s a snapshot of where my home is:

I know…. I know….. people who know me well OR people who don’t know me at all are probably like “Oh My GAWD… did she just post a picture of herself in her bra?” Yep I did. Under that Bra, Under that Breast is where my Heart is…….. my Home……

so bite my dead and dying ass mkay?

See even being deadly sick I can be snarky – w00t

———

P.S. This Post is for Nina – love you woman and did I ever tell you that since I was for your mountain you will be climbing has been my favorite?  It is!!!!!   Does this constitute a sentence Nina   well whether it does or not, this post is for YOU.

June 4th, 2008 by Cy

June 4, 2008 Fileblog – 20:16 Hours

“Home”

I feel my mother’s hand slam against my lower lip and face. My head damn near swivels completely around. Instantly my hand raises to the already splitting flesh. “Ma….” I beg as I try to step back. “Calm down….It’s only college!”

My mother grabs a fist full of my hair. “COLLEGE” she shrieks.

She’s beyond enraged. So far she’s probably blackened my eye, it’s swollen shut already; and she’s managed to break a dish over my head. I was packing the last of my things to take to my college dorm room the next day when she snuck up on me.

Shaking my entire body by wrenching her fist full of my hair back and forth, her shrieks continue. “I told you, you’re not leaving home. Didn’t you hear me Cylithria….didn’t you believe me?”

My head gets slammed into the door jamb between us. I had tried to run. She’d blocked my path and was too enraged. Now I felt a blackness trying to consume me and I fought it instead of her. As she slammed my head into the door jamb with each word she yelled, I barely managed to stay on my feet. “YOU…WILL…NEVER…LEAVE…THE…FAMILY”

“But I got a full scholarship Ma” I squeak as she shoves me down to the floor.

Tears come to my eyes and not because of pain from my body. I’ll feel that later. My tears stem from the fact that I am heartbroken my mother is not proud of her 16 year old daughter who got a full scholarship to the Chicago Art Institute after graduating early from High School.

My mother storms past me and picks up the old wooden trunk David’s parents gave me as a gift. Throwing it, she clips my left leg, the knee as I tried to roll away. “THIS…IS…YOUR…HOME…” She shrieks. Before I can move away, she kicks me in the gut. I vomit – violently.

Once my retching is done, I turn bleary eyes to find out where she is now. She’s standing above me, hands on her hips and now instead of screaming she hisses low and deadly. “You will not leave the family or your home Cylithria Alania. I forbid it.”

Slowly, I bring myself to all fours. From my hands and knees I look up at her as blood gushes down my chin. “I’m going.” I vow. She emits a soft growl. I raise up with the help of the bedpost nearby. Grabbing my hat, I start slowly, dizzily to the door.

“If you leave….” She softly hisses. I keep walking. I feel the fear in my throat. I know with my back turned she could jump me. It’s a chance I take. I must not fall to fear… fear of her….fear of death.

I make it to the front door and out it. She is a step, maybe two behind me. Her breath hits my back as she heaves her chest in and out.

“I’ll kill….” She hollers as I make it barely to the first step off the porch. I keep moving. Just get out Cyli girl, that’s what my mind tells me.

I brick slams into the back of my head and I fall as I cry out.

“I’LL KILL YOU CYLITHRIA…..” She shrieks as a planter gets thrown down upon me. I start vomiting again. Suddenly just as I think she’ll kill me now, the front door slams shut and I hear the lock click.

“THIS IS NOT YOUR HOME ANYMORE!” She screams savagely.

As I lay in my own blood and vomit, I wonder….what made her think it ever was?

May 30th, 2008 by Cy