August 8th, 2009 by Cy
Tree
If you want to know how I managed to be in the DTW Airport (Detroit) in the wee hours of Saturday… well you’ll have to endure the length of the previous post entitled “Stop the world, I NEED to get off”.
Sorry. Don’t feel like typing massive back story.
Anyway, – back to this morning – which would be Saturday morning. DTW Airport.
Standing with my pc bag hanging off me, I look at the pacing Travis – (Mr Obround) and sigh. His mother’s dead, his life is in turmoil and his 14 year old little girl is flying in from her home state, alone, first air flight of her life. He’s a solid set of stressed nerves trying to maintain calm. It’s not working.
“Where is she?” he says with a hostile look to me.
“Like I said, Emily (the girls mom, Travis’s ex-wife) made sure to flag her as a child fare. Trianna (pronounced Tree-Anna) must wait until a flight steward disembarks her. Someone will escort her to us, but they offload other passengers first, she’ll get here. Don’t worry.”
Travis sighs and hostility leaves his body. “Right, sorry.” he offers just before he jambs his hands in his jean pockets.
I rub his back a moment. “How long has it been since you last saw her?” I ask trying to shift his mind while we wait.
“About 18 months – two Christmas’s ago I drove down and got her for her school break. It was Emily’s Christmas last year. I wasn’t able to get down there last summer and they were going to Disneyland so I let her go when it was my two weeks in the summer.”
“Wow” I say. I marvel at how awful it must be to have your child so far away, but I keep that thought to myself.
“We talk on the phone,” he says with a smile. “She’s pretty busy now. I guess she’s growing up.” Suddenly his eyes go wide. “Oh no….this is too much isn’t it.” He grabs me and hugs me suddenly, in an odd way.
“Uh dude…” I yelp. “What the fuck?”
Travis pulls back and looks soooooo sad. “I never thought that this would be hard for you, coming to get my daughter after your sons…..passed.”
It took me a split second to understand his explanation, but when I did, I know my face contorted oddly. “Travis,” I said very carefully as I disentangled myself. “The boys died – not all the children in the world. It’s okay.”
“I know but still. You don’t get to see them at all and here I’m bitter it’s been 18 months.” he said as he turned to glance for Trianna. “I’m sorry” he whispered with a squeeze of my hand when he didn’t see her.
I smiled brightly. “You are the sweetest man.” and I truly meant it. It was endearing that despite everything, he honored my own loss with his thoughts.
Travis sort of blushed. Shook his head and looked back to where Trianna would inevitably show. He sighed. I was about to say something when my phone rang in the “mom tone”.
Back note – Trianna’s mom was very nervous about flying her daughter off alone. Since Travis has no cell phone, and I’d given my number as emergency contact for Emily to use, she’d called – a lot. Due to the fact that I was currently ignoring many personal calls, had my phone set to vibrate 90% of time in respect for Edith’s death, AND Emily would probably be calling quite a bit over the next few days, I assigned her phone number it’s own ring tone. Something I RARELY, RARELY Do. -Thus – the “momTone”
Back to where I left off:
I was about to say something to Travis when the “momTone” went off on my phone. Snapping it free from my waist, I stepped away as I took the call.
“Hi Emily, her plane’s arrived but they haven’t brought her out yet” I greeted Travis’s ex-wife.
“I know Lith, she just txted me – that’s why I’m calling.” Emily sounded worried. “I need to talk to you in private. Is Travis there?”
I whispered to Travis, “I have to take this” and began walking farther away from him. “What’s up Emily?”
“It’s,” Emily nearly sobbed. “Trianna is in a bathroom upset. She started her period on the flight.”
“Oh man….” poor kid. “Well not a problem, I always keep extra tampons with me, want me to txt her?”
“That’s just it, she’s only barely spotted. She’s never had…. A full period….and I’m here and can’t help her and she won’t go talk to her dad.” Emily blurted out.
I stood still, closed my eyes and cursed. Just two months ago while camping with a niece of mine (a young lady I call my niece anyway) She too started her period and her mother called me to help out. Poor girls. I’d had son’s. I’d never, ever prepared to go thru first periods, because I never had girls. Now twice, in one summer, I was.
The fucking universe hates me.
“Okay calm down. This isn’t a problem Emily,” I began comforting the emotional mom. (Did you know mom’s who are unable to be with their daughters when the first period hit, cry like little girls via phone? Trust me they do….) I quickly related the story of my niece and camping, and assured Emily I this was going to be okay. Once I got mom off the phone, I waited a minute or two, avoided Travis’s glares, and then called Trianna.
“Cylithria?” she sobbed into the phone. I spotted espresso on one of the snack/coffee signs and headed for it.
“Hey woman….I spoke to your mom.”
More crying, my “Oh My God why me’s?” (her mom had said why her – meaning why Trianna.) and I soothed the young teen as I ordered a double espresso shot to go.
The barista said, “rough day” and I shot her a deadpanned look and nodded. “You have Nooooooo idea.” I said as I listened to the Trianna blurt out her emotions.
I downed the espresso and convinced Trianna, I needed her to go ahead and rejoin her escort, and after meeting her daddy and I, I’d get her to a ladies room and it’d be okay. She was horrified at the thought, but somehow….I conned her into it.
“trust me lady, I do this lying shit for a living. He’ll never know if you follow my lead okay?”
More sniffles, but finally I heard her moving as she half whispered into the phone. “Yes ma’am”
Hanging up the phone, I walked back to a now frustrated, highly suspicious Travis.
“Sorry, business. I had to take it.”
He grunted. I started doing the fidget dance beside him. He noted it but said nothing.
“God please let them hurry….” I whined as I danced on my feet like and idiot. Travis looked sideways at me. I scrunched my shoulders up and shrugged. “I REALLY gotta go. You try having one kidney.”
Instantly his gruffness disappeared. “Why don’t you go ahead…”he looked sad at his impatience with me. I felt almost guilty – almost.
“Naaaaaa,” I kept dancing. “It can’t be much longer and she’s been cooped on a plane. She’ll probably want to go anyway.”
“Are you sure?”
“Is that her?” I asked, deflecting his attention away. The young lady I pointed out I knew wasn’t Trianna, but it turned Travis attention from my lie.
I had to lie. I mean I know Trianna should not have worried about telling her dad. And I was pretty sure Travis would have handled it gently and such – but come ON PEOPLE. The First Blood Sorority is damn near sacred. And poor Trianna had just been inducted in the grand “fuck me” way of the universe. Of COURSE I was going to lie.
Travis was about to tell me the girl I spotted wasn’t Trianna when suddenly he spotted her and the airline escort. “There she is,” he whisper shouted as he gripped the shit out of my arm. “Oh god, she’s so…grown up…”
You have no idea, I thought as I started walking that way. My heart went out to Trianna. She had some hoodie tied around her waist, covering her backside, and then carried her messenger bag strategically in front. She was walking that…..walk…..You know the one I’m talking about, if you’re a woman. The walk where you’re struggling NOT to walk, in some vain attempt to ‘keep it all in’….THAT walk.
“She looks like a woman” Travis lamented as we waited for them to clear security barrier.
I smiled. If he only knew. That being said, what dad was probably referencing was the fact that gone were little girl clothes. Now his daughter stood my height or better, wore stylish aeropostle jeans and a sharp fitted tee, and had by my judgment, a b cup size bra on. She had cute bobbed hair, black finger nail polish on long fingers, rocket dog sneakers and a generally very hipster look to her. Although she was strikingly gorgeous (a fact I only momentarily held against her) she had that look that told you she didn’t know she was gorgeous. Total Hottie for her age.
Travis raced to hug her once the airline rep checked his ID, and she hugged him very carefully, hesitantly, even though I could see she just wanted to crawl into his arms and cry. I’d have given Travis his moment except……….well yeah, he wasn’t in the First Blood Sorority.
“HI!” I belted out a little loudly. Travis turned, trying to hug his daughter to his side. “I’m Cyl.” I held out a hand. Still dancing my fake pee pee dance, I smiled as brightly as I could. Totally fake. “I’d stay and greet you proper like, but I got one kidney and have to wiz like a race horse! Wanna join me?”
Trianna said “God, do I ever” as she pulled from her father who stood openly gawking at me. You can tell Travis wasn’t expecting THAT type of welcome from me. He was totally floored.
“We’ll be back” I yelped at Travis as I pee pee danced away. “it the suck having only one kidney.” I babbled as we walked from her very stupefied father. On and On I babbled like an insane woman, so no one in the airport would even notice the huddled, humiliated young lady beside me.
We stepped into the sanctuary of the bathroom, and poor Trianna erupted in tears. “I’m sorry” she said as she collapsed into my arms. Gone was the crazy lady routine and instantly I began soothing.
Okay so back off, I soothed her, but in my own, unique way. I have a method for handling shit like this, with either girl problems or boys (and yes boys have situations – ever camped and wet dreamed your sleeping bag but didn’t know what happened? Ever caught your dick in a zipper and made it bleed and burn like a mother fucker? Voila – types of boy problems) The way I handle it is by being cool.
Where most adults try to offer what I call standard, opening, supportive lines such as “Don’t worry this is very natural,” or “it happens to everyone, it’s okay’ I don’t.
My opening line of support? “Man, you got fucked huh? This is the suck. Isn‘t it?”
Trust me, in all my years of dealing with youth, even the most shy, humiliated, scared young person relates to THAT statement. It sets a tone that immediately tells them a number of things. First it says exactly how they feel…..they feel fucked over, humiliated, as if this moment is one of the worse and IS the suck. Second, it tells the young person they can swear, or say WHATEVER they want to me, because oh yeah, I just said they got fucked. And Third, it instantly allows them to feel their way through this awful moment of growing without being made to feel as if it’s not that big of a deal because it happens to everyone. Look people to each individual, it is a BIG DEAL – even if we all went through our on personal horror.
Then to sooth Trianna, I told her about my “Suck”. “Can you imagine. In the woods with 13 US Marines and My Daddy, and bam – bleed city. Walked out, announced it to daddy and then, Not a tampon or woman in site….god did THAT suck”
Her crying started to dry up as she looked at me in horror. “Whad’ya do?”
“I grabbed a small towel off one of the guys rifle’s and said, “Do ya want this back when I’m done with it?””
“Ewwwww”
I laughed. “Yeah, crude but effective, they got me home pretty quick and never fucked with me bout it.”
Trianna actually laughed and then shuddered. She took a deep breath and looked calm. That’s when I explained the ever so lovely intricacies of tampons. OH what a joy THAT was. After she was sure she could handle this new, awful aspect of life, she hit the bathroom stall and finally I had a moment to myself.
I leaned against a wall and stared into a mirror. How is THE FUCK do I get myself into these situations, I asked my reflection. My reflection ignored me. An over bleach blond, over make-upped, over airbrushed nail wearing lady of about 45 walked out of a stall and smiled at me.
“Oh how sweet, her first time?” she said as she went to the sink. The comment, the sneer on her face, the ugliness of her too thick perfume made me snap.
“yeah HERS, not your’s – do ya mind?”
I got the look from her. HHAHAHAHA. You know the one, the one telling me I am a bitch. I smiled. She left. I gloated.
Trianna stepped out of the stall looking far better now. “That wasn’t so bad.” She admitted with a new brightness. “I guess I was being a baby.” She said as she began to wash her hands.
“Ha, no way….it’s not baby-ish after you’ve gotten your period. If you have a period, it’s called bitchy…..welcome to the club lady.” I said with a big, happy smile. She laughed and turned to look at me.
“Your funny.” She said as she dried her hands. She grabbed her bag, which she now hand the hoodie slung over and she pulled out her cell phone. “I should call mom.”
“Yeah, she was worried. I’m gonna pee……” and I headed to the stalls. As I pretended to pee (I had totally faked needing to) she called home and had a whispered conversation with her mom. It was sweet, and she sounded positive about the fact that she could handle her knew feminine status. She even said she’d talk to her dad about it later, and then suddenly a purple phone (one exactly like mine) was thrust under the stall door.
“Cyl, mom wants to talk to you.”
I stared at the slender wrist wearing cool bracelets. This was unreal. Thank GOD I wasn’t actually peeing. I’d have been pissed. Taking the phone, I got through the extremely grateful, gushing conversation with Emily. I stepped out of the stall, and found a smiling, happy young lady waiting for me.
“Cool phone” I said as I unclipped mine and showed her. We had the same phones and well…….. If we hadn’t bonded yet – that did the trick. As we walked back into the airport proper, we discussed the coolness and our happiness level of our phones. Travis was on us like white on rice.
“Daddy” Trianna now cried. This time she hugged him like she meant it. Travis seemed unsettled.
“You two spent a lot of time in there. Is everything….”
I smiled and nodded. “Oh yeah….we got the same phone.” I said. Instantly Trianna and I brandished the coolness that is our phones. Travis hugged Trianna to him once more, but glared at me over the girls shoulder.
“We’ll talk later,” I promised, having already secured permission from Emily to tell Travis why I whisked his daughter off to the restroom like that.
Travis didn’t like it, but nodded. We went in search of Trianna’s luggage, and the two soon started chatting in that way a daddy and his little girl catch up upon reuniting. We watched the carousel. We waited. We watched some more. Pretty soon, Trianna was in tears again.
“It’s not here!”
Sure enough………. Her luggage………..gone!!!!
Shit you not, we spoke to the airlines, and did the lost baggage claim thing, but now, standing beside me, txting her mother was a young lady that had as good of luck as me. Her luggage was lost. Joy.
“I have nothing to wear, my stuff is all gone…”
I watched as ten feet away Travis spoke to Emily via my cell phone. “Stop txting your mother,” he yelled to Trianna, “it’s messing with our phone call.”
“He doesn’t understand.” She wailed as we finally sat down.
“Look Tree,” I said as I nudged her with my arm. “he understands, he’s just feeling shitty because he feels helpless. It’s a man thing and a daddy thing. It’s been a rough few days…give him a chance.”
Trianna smiled at me. “Tree?”
“You call me Cyl.”
Her smiled brightened. “I like it.” She said with a slow nod. That made me smile. “But what about my stuff?”
Just then Travis came towards us. “Okay,” he said as he handed me my cell phone. “Your mother says you haven’t school clothes shopped either, so we’re gonna get all that here and send you home with it.”
“But I don’t have that kind of money dad.” Tree quickly shot down the idea.
“Honey, I’ll pay for it all. Don’t worry about that.”
Tree looked at me and then skeptically back to her father. “where do you shop? Still at walmart?” she asked as politely as she could. I saw the wince, and knew why she asked. You don’t get rocket dogs and aeropostle at walmart.
Travis spied the set up too. “Well, I’m sure there are other places.” he offered as we stood up.
“You know….” I said as I grabbed my computer bag and she grabbed her messenger bag, “I know a great mall in Troy….”
Travis looked right at me, ignoring Tree’s pleading eyes. “Will it have the stuff she needs?”
“You don’t have school uniforms do you?” I asked Tree.
“Gawd NO” she cried.
“And dresses, she will need a couple for tonight…and the funeral.” Travis said softly. I nodded.
Tree’s eyes grew darker and she huggled up to her daddy at the mention of the funeral. But with Travis’s soft sigh it was settled. “Let’s go get breakfast and then we can shop.”
Tree raised a fist triumphantly. “Shopping – FTW”
All I could do was reply, “w00t!!”
———–
Mall shopping is hell. Wait, let me take that back. SHOPPING is hell, mall shopping with a hipster teenage girl on the rag, and a god fearing father – is FUCKED. Let me tell you something, I was a master mediator as we stormed the 3 story Mall.
Tree, of course wanted all the latest styles – including those that no daddy of a daughter with a figure likes. Travis wanted the more traditional potato sac look, – including chastity belt. somehow, by store number two, I was the final say. And trust me when I say, I worked to find a happy medium for both of them.
We had just gotten done shopping for dresses (which I ended up buying one too, for the funeral) and I was still laughing over Tree’s terrible joke. At the last store, she popped out of a dressing room wearing a skin tight, cheetah print, little dress.
“OH GOOD GOD” Travis cried when he saw it. I couldn’t help it. I knew when I spotted the flair in Tree’s eyes, she’d only put it on to get such a reaction, and due to that – I LOST IT. I laughed so hard I damn near peed.
Now as we walked the mall, I made fun of Travis by pointing out every slut outfit I could find for her. Tree and I laughed our asses off. Travis muttered in frustration. I turned to head into Victoria Secret’s and Travis stopped just outside the entrance.
“Cylithria!” he barked.
“Travis, she needs bra’s – unless you WANT her jiggling those around the boys at school?”
Travis’s jaw clenched. “No.” He said firmly. Into Victoria’s we went. Tree was in her glory. She flitted around, looking at stuff with no embarassment in site.
“oooooh aren’t these pretty,” She cooed to me as she looked at a table of thongs.
“NO WAY” Travis roared.
“Not for me daddy……..duhhhhhhh” She pointed at me. Poor Travis suddenly realized what tree meant. His face turned red, and he looked elsewhere in the store. I bit my tongue and headed to the boy cut panties favored by teen girls today. Tree followed me and soon enough we were picking out cute ones. We found some cute jammi/tank sets and picked up two sets for her (okay and one for me – bite me)
Then we walked further back into the store. Now the true shopping began. Since Tree admitted to never having been properly measured, or even owning a “good bra” that’s the first thing we did. Then we set out to find something that says “I’m a cute 14 year old with style” instead of “FUCK ME”
Travis followed silently, until he passed some rather black, lacy, sexy ass bra’s. “What about this?” he said as he held it up. Tree’s face damn near fell off. Hell, even I was shocked. My jaw hung open.
“Not for her,” he roared as he used the bra to point at his daughter. “For you.”
Tree openly gasped. Her face flooded white and she looked at her daddy then to me envisioning god knows what sexual image.
“I ruined your other one, remember?”
Tree gagged. SHIT. YOU. NOT. She gagged right there and shuddered. I, however instantly understood.
“OH, the one you washed.”
“YES….” Travis said finally grateful someone understood.
I quickly explained to Trianna about the day of the BBQ when Bobby had dumped hot sauerkraut on me. After explaining that Travis had put my Italian lace bra not only in the washer, but the dryer and ruined it, she understood.
“Oh snap” she said as understanding flooded her. She looked right at her father and said, “Gawd, I thought you were a pervert.”
I swallowed the roaring laughter that wanted to escape. Travis blushed. Tree took a deep breath and neither noticed that half the women in the store were snickering. Travis looked down at the pretty bra and struggled with his words.
“Uhmmm….not sure what the size is…but this looks sorta like the other one… I think.” I pitied him in that moment and immediately left Tree to stand beside the bra’s.
“It’s beautiful…….and remarkably,” I said with shock as I looked through the sizes. “They have one in my size.” (32 D – yeah big boobs, big mouth, small body. Bite me) I quickly exchanged the one he held for the one that would fit, and kissed his cheek. “Thank you.”
Travis blushed and looked around the store. “uh….why don’t you just….uh “ he held the bra out to me.
“I’ll put it with her stuff.” I said as I took the bra.
Travis exhaled deeply. “she thinks I’m a pervert.” he whispered.
“Just act cool, pretend nothing happened, and don’t even think about it. She’ll forget soon as she finds a bra she likes.” I whispered right back. I no sooner turned to look for her when she squealed in delight. I chuckled and headed that way.
Ten minutes later, with three bra’s for Tree (one white, black and nude colored) and my bra, plus jammies, panties and some odd lip gloss kit – we were exiting Victoria’s Secrets and headed back to the pick up. Tree was on cloud nine, which meant so was Travis. She walked in front of Travis and I, speaking to her mom in an excited, breathless voice.
Travis and I carried the bags.
“Thank you Cylithria.” Travis said softly as he slowed his pace. “I spoke with Emily about the bathroom.” he confessed.
I kept the smile n my face, but he saw the shock in my eyes. “While you tried on bra’s she’d called to check on Trianna”
“Oh” I said with a tiny smile.
“I really mean it, Thank you. I can’t imagine what she was going through and would have went through if you weren’t there.”
Now I felt awkward. “Again,” I answered softly. “It was an honor. She’s a good girl, and beautiful too. She’s a sweetheart.”
“Like another beautiful lady I know.”
My heart did the silent“awwwww” and I new it showed in my eyes, because Travis smiled with great pleasure.
“DAD…” tree yelled back to us. “I can’t find your truck”
Tender moment gone…. Lol
Travis led the way, and this time, he drove the pick up as we headed back north. It was just passed eleven, and I gratefully leaned against the window and promptly fell asleep to the sounds of father and daughter talking.
—–
I woke up as we pulled in passed Miss Edith’s house, heading back to Travis’s place.
“Did you get the house finished dad?” Tree asked excitedly from the back seat. I looked at them both slightly confused. Tree and Travis explained to me that the house had been under interior construction last time we was here, so they’d stayed at Miss Edith’s. I nodded and listened as Travis explained all he’d finished since then.
I spied a slew of cars as the truck rolled out of the trees and into the open property. Inwardly I groaned. More people, oh goodie. Bobby, Carol, the boys and a few close family members waited on the deck with “Welcome Home Trianna” signs.
Tree seemed to have the same desire to be alone, because soon as she saw them she said, “Oh….people.” in a disheartened way. Travis rattled off who everyone was, as if Trianna had forgotten her family, and she placed a forced smile on her face. We pulled into the parking space, and poor Tree was mauled by well meaning family members as soon as she stepped out of the truck.
I carried stuff inside and headed for the guest room. Ha ha ha, shitty perhaps, but they weren’t MY family, so acceptable to me. At some point Carol and Katie came in with the rest of Trianna’s bags. Soon I was being hugged and fawned over – apparently Emily had called Carol to enlist with helping Trianna with her “First visit from Aunt Flo” (Shit you not, Carol’s exact words)
As they chatted about various arrangements that had since been solidified during Travis absence, I un tagged, and began sorting Trianna’s new clothing.
“Maybe we should get her dress done now, so she has it in time for the viewing tonight.” Carol suggested. I stopped loading the washer.
“Veiwing? But I thought it was a small prayer dinner at your house and the viewing was tomorrow?”
Carol sighed. “Bobby changed it. He said he didn’t feel right about only one day of viewing.”
“Oh” I said, shocked at the news. “What time?”
“2-6 and then 7-9 tonight.” Carol said as she handed me Trianna’s charcoal grey, henely baby doll dress I’d just purchased.
“In an hour?” I yelped. Holy crap that wasn’t much time to get ready. “Does Travis know?”
Carol and Katie looked at one another. Obviously not.
I threw the dress to Katie and headed to find Travis. I found him with a protective arm around Trianna, talking to whoever. Smiling I made my way to his side, and when able said, “Can I talk to you a minute?”
Travis walked to the edge of the decking with me and I quickly explained what I knew about the viewing change. He looked at his watch as soon as I replied with the new times and he groaned. I touched his arm just as a sign of support.
“I need to shower” he said as he shook his head. Running his fingers through his hair, he looked over at his brother. “I can’t believe he did this.”
“well, your mom has a lot of friends,” I offered. I didn’t want “bad blood” to begin to seep into this already too intense time.
Travis heard Tree laughing and he exhaled slowly. “I guess you AND her need time to get ready too.”
I grinned. “Uh, yep.”
“Okay,” he said with another exhale. “You wanna shower and I’ll get them out of here?”
“Sounds like a plan….want me to get Tree?”
“yeah, would ya…… I don’t know what she needs or needs to do.” Travis looked at me and smiled sadly. “I’m glad you’re here,” He said before suddenly hugging me tightly to his chest. I snuggled in only a moment, and then pulled away to go speed shower and get ready.
Travis held my hand as we walked over to where Trianna stood. Quietly I told her I needed her to come inside, and once inside, I explained the change in plans. Trianna looked nervous.
“I thought that was tomorrow – tonight we went to Uncle bobby’s.”
“Yeah we did too lady. Sorry.”
“I need to get my stuff” She said turning to go to the truck.
“I brought it in,” I said as I grabbed the dress which hung on the laundry room door. I walked her back to the guest room, found towels, her news shoes, hair stuff, purse, blah blah blah blah and helped her get situated for a shower and then I raced to the master suite. Speed showering, I hopped out, blew dry my hair and raced through the house in a towel to bring the hair dryer to Tree.
Swinging past the bar, sliding around the corner, I slid right into Travis. He caught me before I fell, and smiled immediately. I stood there in a towel, high heels and stockings.
“Sorry, gotta get this to Tree.”
Travis’s lips twitched. “You just can’t keep your clothes on in this house, can you?”
My eyes narrowed and I smiled despite my mocking growl. “Pervert” I said as I hit him with the hair dryer. Then I darted right past him and knocked on the guest bathroom door. Tree opened the door and stood there with one stocking in her hand.
“These suck” she raged as I held out the dryer.
“You picked em.” I shot right back. “Welcome to the club lady.”
“But I can’t get it on….” She cried as she pointed to the pool of tight stocking at her ankle.
“Come here,” I said grabbing her hand. Dragging her to the back of the couch, I leaned my ass against it for balance. I quickly lifted my towel, shed a stocking and then proceeded to demonstrate how to get the fucker on.
Tree leaned back against the couch, dressed in a towel, and mimicked my moves. I knelt at her ankle and helped smooth some of the tiny wrinkles.
“I should have listened to you” She said as she struggled with the other stocking and leg.
“I told you, you don’t have to wear them….”
“Yeah but they look good.”
“Yeah well then suffer like the rest of us.” I said as I finally stood up and slipped my high heel back on. “Voila” I said as she stood upright and looked down below her towel.
“Cool” She said as she looked up to thank me. “DADDY” she suddenly screamed. I whirled around and saw Travis with the oddest look on his face.
“Ignore him,” I said spinning her around. “Put your heels on so you don’t run your hose, and get ready we got no time…..no time.” I said as I shoved her towards her bathroom. Tree went into the bathroom as I said, but stopped and cried “pig” before shutting the bathroom door.
I turned on one heel and shot back to the master bedroom. Whipping past Travis. “git in the shower….no time….”
“I can’t believe she’s so…” he started to say. I yanked his arm and kept right on going.
“NO TIME” I yelled as I pointed to the bathroom. “Go”.
Travis sort of slowly listened. In truth I think he was stunned. I don’t know….what is it like to watch your little girl going through such intimate, growing moments of womanhood? And to go through it as she prepares for her grandmother’s funeral? Poor Man.
Soon as he shut the bathroom door, I dropped my towel, set the girls in the new, lacy bra, and slid on the thong. I shimmied into my dress, a casual black, sun dress baby doll style and quickly set to putting on make up, jewelry and such. A couple times I raced over to Tree and helped her with whatever, and then I’d race back and finish my whatever.
I was shoving necessities into my purse when Tree came wandering into the room calling my name. “Cylithria, I can’t find the tampons we bought” I looked up to see her at the bedroom door.
Travis stood in the bathroom door in dress pants, dress shirt and loose tie. “Oh God” he moaned before darting, unseen or heard, back into the bathroom. For some reason THAT made me smile. I grabbed my stuff, and Tree and we headed out to find the tampons, leaving poor Travis to some privacy.
We were standing in the kitchen, comparing netbooks (she’d been crushed to find out daddy didn’t have internet yet) When Travis walked in.
I looked up and my heart broke. Standing there in a black suit, dark navy tie, was a man stricken with grief and sorrow. He looked at me, and I nearly cried.
“You ladies look nice,” he said painfully. Tree looked up from what she was doing and instantly went to Travis.
“Aww dad” she said as she hugged him. “WOW” she gasped and looked oddly at him. “You smell good.”
Now I knew that was Tree’s way of acknowledging to not only Travis, but herself that wow, dad wore cologne, but Travis was oblivious. He thanked her, quickly grabbed his bible and walked slowly to the door. I’d grabbed our things and met him and Tree halfway. Without any words, we headed to the funeral home.
We pulled in and parked, or should I say Travis parked, and for a moment after the truck was turned off, we all sat in silence. Travis caught my hand and said, “Let me get your door” before sliding out of the cab of the truck. Instantly he came and opened both mine, and Tree’s doors. Helping us out. While he let go of Tree’s hand when she pulled it away, he clutched mine tighter as he shut my door. We walked around the truck, to the sidewalk and then Travis stopped to wait for Tree.
I really did expect Tree to grab a hold of her father. Her bright babblings sort of faded when we all stood dressed in black back in the kitchen – as to be expected. So I truly did think she’d clutch daddy for support. Instead she walked right beside me and I felt her hand reaching for my free one.
It took everything in my power not to let my jaw drop and my face show my shock. I squeezed her hand and offered a sympathetic smile as Travis led us towards His brother’s family and others gathered outside. Soft hello’s were exchanged, hugs too. There was only Rick and Katie and Little T sporting a dark sports coat, and Bobby & Carol along with their sons and the three of us outside. Somebody else, three cars actually, were pulling in, but the Funeral Director met us at the door and softly ushered us in.
He asked to speak with Travis and Bobby, So I started to let go of Travis’s hand as Bobby & Carol followed the man, but Travis wouldn’t let me. With reassurances from Katie about Tree, we too followed along. The Funeral Director spoke softly, reverently and told the brothers they would be allowed as long as they needed for a private, initial viewing.
My heart grew sick. There is nothing worse then the first moment someone sees their loved one in a casket. I DIDN’T want to be a part of it, but I was. The funeral director opened the door and softly told them that he’d escort the family to the bereavement room and they boys could join then whenever they were done, and then he stepped away to allow Bobby and Travis to enter.
As we walked into the room, it was Carol who gasped aloud. “Look at all the flowers!” And Flower’s there were. I watched Travis as we moved forward, past the rows and rows of empty chairs. Bobby and Carol led the way. Bobby seemed to automatically gravitate to his mother’s casket. Travis however stopped where the chairs ended. I stood beside him and watched as Carol tried to hold Bobby up while he stared down at his mother.
Travis stood still. There were no tears, not even a ragged type of breathing to indicate he was fighting them. Just stillness. We watched as Carol managed to get Bobby over to sit down. Then and only then did Travis take a step forward. When we got to his mother’s casket, I felt the shuddering hit him. I let go of his hand and wrapped my arms around him. Instantly he turned, engulfed me in his arms and just cried his eyes out.
It was awful.
Don’t take that the wrong way. I didn’t mean awful as in it was awful he cried. What was awful was being unable to ease the pain he, or anyone else felt. It was awful to see anyone go through such anguish and I felt awful for not being able to fix-it.
It was awful.
I tied to get him to sit. He wouldn’t move. I tried to say…… soft, reassuring things, letting him know I ‘got you’. Just anything…. But all he could do was bury his face in my hair and neck and sob. Try as I might, all I ended up doing was holding him. There was nothing more I could do.
How long it lasted, I have no idea. I do know at some point, his crying began to ease. I know I was able to get tissues from my purse and offer them when he kept one arm around me and turned to look back at his mother.
“She looks so lifeless” he whispered.
“Peaceful” I said as I held him tightly.
“is she?” he asked me with wildly concerned eyes. “She turned against God when my dad died.”
“She’s at peace honey.” I promised him.
“I never got to say goodbye,”
“You can say goodbye now. She’ll hear you. Go ahead, tell her anything you want.”
And so, standing there pulling me deeper and deeper to his side, he told his mother goodbye.
I tried to stay strong. I really did. I tried to tune out of his words, just so I could keep a strong, calm presence – but listening to him say his personal goodbye. Listening to him tell her all about Tree, it killed me and I found myself flooded in tears, clutching at him and completely not strong.
It was Bobby and Carol who rescued us if you will. Bobby had gone to Travis once he regained some of his composure and in turn Carol held me. She and I took a seat and watched as arm and arm the two brothers softly spoke.
“I can NOT stand this,” I confessed as I dabbed my eyes. “Their heartache is killing me.”
Carol had one arm around me and a head on my shoulder. “Me too” She confessed.
“And why am I crying, I barely knew her, met her once.”
Carol laughed in a whisper. “because you care.”
I rolled my eyes and finally grinned. “Joy”
Carol grinned too, and then in a blink of an eye, she lost her battle with tears. I sat holding her, comforting her for the loss of her mother-in-law until Bobby and Travis were ready to walk away from their mother. They rejoined us, each man sitting beside the woman with him. Each had their arm over the back of our chairs, and each now had a soft, easier peace to their eyes.
We sat and looked at flowers, they spoke of how Edith would have loved them. They told me stories about different times with the woman, and finally, somehow we were ready to leave the room.
Someone must have been watching, because the Funeral Director appeared in the room as we were heading to the doors. He asked and the men assured that everything was in order….until Bobby asked where the photo montages were. The director immediately knew where they were, and went to retrieve them. Bobby and Travis wandered back to read some of the cards.
The Director returned carrying the three black boards filled with photos, and two gilded easels. Carol and I took one of the boards as he walked ahead of us.
Now FYI Miss Edith was an avid photo taker. She didn’t own a digital camera, or even a fancy film one. Instead, she took pictures with the disposable ones and had them developed at Walgreens. Apparently it wasn’t uncommon for her to be developing ten of those camera’s at once. She also brought numerous camera’s to family events and left them out for anyone to take pictures with. It was her thing and when I learned about it I thought it was cute.
As I followed Carol and the Director, I looked at the photo board I held. The pictures were sweet and funny and filled with moments of Miss Edith’s life. But I froze when I spied one. My stomach knotted and I damn near threw up when I confirmed in my mind what I was seeing.
On the board, near my left hand was a 4×6 photo of Miss Edith on Travis’s dock. She wore a red shirt, khaki slacks and her infamous black hat (It was floppy, like a garden hat). In her hands, one of her infamous disposable camera’s. And she has the camera to her eye, taking a picture of ME, as I was using my phone, taking a picture of the fish Little T and I had just caught.
I blinked and tried to make the picture go away. It TOTALLY freaked me out. I didn’t realize Miss Edith had even taken pictures that day. I damn sure hadn’t seen this picture when Carol and I sorted through photos and I was freaked it was on this photo memory board now. WHAT.THE.FUCK????
Why on earth was my picture included on this thing. My mind kept screaming – but I BARELY KNEW HER, and I stared, totally unable to comprehend the thought process of anyone choosing this picture. Especially when there were soooooooooo many to choose from.
“Cylithria?” I heard a vaguely familiar voice say. It sounded distant. I struggled through my haze of WTF and looked to find Travis standing beside me looking at me with concern. “Are you okay?” he asked as one hand slipped behind my back and his other reached to help hold onto the memory board.
“What is this?” I hissed, pointing to the picture. I stared at Travis, not wanting to even see the picture again.
“From the BBQ,” Travis said as he leaned to examine the picture. He grinned slightly.
“Why is there a picture of me on this?” I hissed, trying to keep my voice down. It was only upon hearing my words and looking at me that Travis realized I was freaked. He pushed me gently to some nearby chairs and we sat.
“Did you pick it out?” he asked softly as we jointly held the photo board. We spoke in whispers, albeit potent ones.
“NO! Good GOD no! I would never…..Travis,” I implored, pointing to the picture. “I just met your mother once…this…day….what a week ago?” I shook my head and looked up at her casket. “I’d NEVER be so presumptuous as to even THINK a photo of she and I should be included in a montage of her life. OH MY GAWD!”
“Cylithria, you were in her life, see” He pointed to the picture.
“D00D – for one day!!!” I yelped.
“Shhhhh” Travis said as he set the photo board against the seats in front of us.
“Travis,” I said as I lowered my voice. “People already treat me like I am one of the family, which freaks me the fuck out. Your daughter thought you were buying me lingerie. Your ex-wife considers me a confident. People call me your GIRLFRIEND.”
I exhaled sharply as his arm tightened around me. “God I feel like a fraud…..and then this!!!?” I pointed to the board. Soon as I realized what I was saying, I tossed a hand into the air. “Jesus Christ listen to me. Look I’m sorry……I’m being stupid. This isn’t about me. I’m sorry.”
Taking deep breath, I stared at Miss Edith’s casket. Suddenly I felt gob smackingly ashamed by my outburst and freak out. I knew Travis stared at me, and I felt like strung out dogshit, being cooked on a pigs ass. Reaching for the board, I put my best smile on and tried to pick it up. “Let’s just get this up there and…” Travis stopped me. I looked at him.
“God blessed me when he brought you into my life Cylithria.”
“Travis,” I said softly.
“Be quiet.” He said. My head started throbbing.
“When this all began, you came and….helped me. You don’t know what that means to me. And at times when anyone else could have left, because my brother arrived and others could handle things, you not only stayed, but you worked with Carol, and us to help us get this right – for my mom.”
I struggled not to allow the uncomfortable feelings I was having cause me to get up and leave, like I wanted to.
“Everybody knows, cuz they seen it, what you’ve done for me. And with me. And they treat you like they do, cuz I ain’t never had anyone be with me like you’ve been. And they know it. My mother, if she‘d have seen all this, would have treated you like family because to her you would be.”
I said nothing as he watched me. When he didn’t stop looking at me, I offered a lame smile.
“God blessed me when he brought me you Cylithria. I know you don’t believe in him, but he did. And I know we don’t do things like you’d do them. And I know that ours is a different life then what you have. But you fit in in a way nobody else ever did for me.”
I started shaking my head no, because what he was saying sounded like so much of a put down to this family’s lifestyle, and I never intended that. Travis reached out and stopped my head shaking by catching my chin with his fingers. Only when I stopped did he remove his hand.
“I’m sorry if they’re making you uncomfortable. I really am.”
“Travis, it’ not…”
“They treat you like family because they’re accepting you as family. And I want em too. I think mom would have wanted that too. Please don’t give up on me now because of that.”
My freak – it left me, and suddenly I was weary and somehow oddly calm-ish.
“You always say the sweetest things,” I said from the depth of my soul. Travis picked up my left hand and brought it to his lips. The gesture obviously a corny one, in and of itself, but I’ve never seen nor felt a more genuine form of expression from any man.
“We can take the picture off,” he offered once I smiled genuinely.
“No, it’s a cute picture of her, and as long as you understand I’m not trying to be more then I am…”
Travis only replied with a smile. Soon enough we stood and carried the final photo memory board to it’s resting place. I was a bit surprised to see the room already filling with people. And I spied Trianna with her cousins in the back of the room, happily chatting away.
Travis tucked his arm around me and went to stand beside his brother as mourners offered condolences. He kept his arm around me except for one someone offered a hug or handshake. But always, just before he introduced me to whomever stood before us, he slipped his arm around me and held me close to his side.
For the first time since this began, I learned to let go of the “I shouldn’t be here” sensation I’d be having, and I tried to accept the very kind, gracious people who’d so readily accepted me.
It was, The Suck.
What a long, draining night. At 6:00 pm, we all adjourned to the family room and had supper. Truthfully I have no clue what we ate, but we ate it. At 7:00 we went back to the second half of the nights viewing. By 9:45 we were finally leaving the funeral home and heading back to the house. We were all pretty quiet until Travis laid down the law.
“You two will sleep in my room tonight, since it has a door. In the morning I’ll get the new door hung before we go back to the funeral home.”
“But don’t you want to sleep with Cyl dad?” Tree asked from her perch in the backseat.
Travis’s jaw clenched. “What I want and what is right are two different things. Tonight, you two will sleep in my room.”
“I could go ho…”
Travis sent me a “please” look.
“Okay, I call dibs on the good pillows.” I shouted out as I touched Travis’s arm lightly.
Tree seemed acceptant of her father’s decision as well, and she talked easily the rest of the way home. Once we got there, she darted off to txt and change, heading straight to the guest room where her possession were stored.
I too headed to change, wanting to get out of the dress and heels just so some of the stress could eke out of my system. I heard a knock at the door just as I pulled my tank top on.
“I’m doing my laundry, you got anything Cyl?” Tree asked after I yelled come in.
“Epic w00t” I cried as I went for my clothing pile. Handing her the pile of clothes I said, “Far be it from me to stop you on your new journey into womanhood.”
“Oh please” she groaned and sat on the bed. I sat beside her and asked the right questions, How did she feels? Did she have cramps, blah blah blah – and she answered them with ease. I asked if she’d called home and she said yes, then her face grew dark.
“Kevin is leaving this weekend and he’s taking Kylie with him.” She suddenly confessed.
(BACK STORY – Kevin is Tree’s step dad and Kylie is her 5 year old half sister.)
At first I didn’t understand, and then she explained that her mom and Kevin were getting divorced. I was shocked. It hadn’t been mentioned to me, not that it was my business – but I listened and supported Tree as best I could. She seemed more relieved then anything. I guess the arguments were pretty bad. ?
Once she expressed her feelings and said everything she needed to say, she popped up, laundry in tow. “Off to do the woman’s work.” She said with a giggle, and in a flash she was gone. I headed out of the bedroom too, as soon as I hung my dress up.
I could see Tree was busy txting while sitting on the guest bed, so I looked for Travis and spied him on the deck. Slipping outside, I called his name.
“Emily’s getting divorced” he said as soon as he saw me. “I was just speaking to her.”
“Yeah, tree just told me when she came for the laundry.” I sat down in the chair near where Travis stood. “You okay?”
“With her divorce, yes. I knew they wouldn’t last. Travis said as he leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m worried about Trianna, and I don’t want nothing bad to happen to Emily. But it’s no skin off my nose.”
I smiled, understanding what he meant.
“How are you doing Cylithria, are you okay?” he asked just when it was growing quiet.
“Yeah, I’m tired but fine.”
“I was wrong, for assuming you’d stay. I’m sorry. I just….I know you have stuff you have to do, but.” He shrugged. “If you need to go home, I’d understand.”
I looked at him for a minute, just to try and catch his viewpoint. I couldn’t imagine it, so I smiled.
“I promise if I must go and get something done, I will tell you and go do it. Right now, other then some paperwork and such, I’m good to go. Folsom can wait. And to be truthful, I don’t like leaving you alone right now….I worry about you.”
Travis stood there watching me, and finally I had to ask. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”
“I’m trying to picture……you not being here,” Travis began. He shook his head slightly but kept watching me. “And I can’t. But that don’t seem possible….you know?”
I sat back and drew my feet up under me, smiling the whole time. “Yeah, I do. It’s weird ain’t it? It’s been like this uber rollercoaster….” Now it was I who shook my head.
“But you never intended to be around this long, did you?” He asked as he sat on the foot of my lawn chair.
I grimaced. “ooooh, originally? No. I was totally just gonna sex you.” I admitted despite how bad it sounded.
Travis’s laughed, not at me but in disbelief. “That’s the craziest thing I ever heard.”
I laughed with him. “Well suck it up. All day people have been telling me how sweet I am. I think it’s crazy, but it’s how they feel.”
Travis smiled in earnest now. Knowing what I said was correct. Sometimes people see us differently then how we see ourselves. That’s life.
“So why,” Travis said very carefully. “Are you still here?”
Man – a huge smile spread over my face. I felt it and thought, when was the last time I REALLY smiled like that? A full body smile. “Because of you.” I answered immediately.
Travis’s smile faded. Instantly I was subjected to very searching eyes. Travis scrutinized me for a long time, and I know it’s because he needed to know if I was being truthful or not. He’d never once been in it for the sex, and yet that had been my sole reason for seeing him at first. He needed the truth on whether or not that was still the case. I didn’t blame him.
When he finally found I was speaking truth, he smiled painfully. I knew instantly what the pain was. It’s that kink in your throat, the one you can’t swallow past – when your so shittingass afraid. I understood that pain because I’d been feeling it every time he’d been close, or held me, or treated me like gold. It’s the pain of fearing you’re not good enough, not enough, period – for the one person you really want to be with at that moment. It’s the agony of knowing you can’t control what you feel, once you feel it.
I understood his painful smile, cuz I had one of my own. Reaching out, I touched his knee. Just to let him know I was there and I understood. His eyes flew to it, and he covered it immediately with one of his own.
With his free hand, he reached up and almost touched my cheek, but something stopped him. It was that moment where we knew, there would be no turning back. So far we’d be at best friends. And I could see in his eyes his fear, if he let himself touch me in this manner, for him there’d be no turning back.
Ignoring his hand, I leaned forward so I was only inches from his face. Then I smiled into those beautiful eyes. That was all it took.
When Travis’s lips touched mine. I’m not sue what I expected, but it whatever I might have expected had nothing on that kiss. It wasn’t fireworks or …… insert whatever standard, hot stuff, type description here……it was……MORE.
It was way more, more, more and while yeah, it left me hawt, breahthless and wanting more – it also had a far more massive impression – on both of us. Let me try to explain – cuz it’s kinda important.
Whne your 40, or 41 as he and I are respectively – you’ve been kissed a lot in life. From the hottest, sexiest, purely passion-filled kisses, platonic kisses, uncaring kisses, false kisses to the sweet, tender, feathered kisses – you’ve kind of hit damn near all types of sensations and kisses by our age.
This one held ……. not really any of those……or maybe it held tinges of ALL of those but those twisted into something more….something a HELL of a lot more solid. something that somehow hit both of us with it’s potentcy.
As Travis’s pulled back, he didn’t move far at all. Infact our kiss ended with the two of us leaning against one another, forehead to forhead.
It was me who spoke first. I was so…..stunned, shocked and completely intoxicated by the solidify affect our kiss had had, that words tumbled out of my mouth before I knew it.
“When the calls and conversations, accidents and accusations, messages and misperseptions paralyize my mind. Busses, cars, and airplaines leaving, burning fumes of gasoline, and everyone is running and i come to find the refuge in the…”
“Easy silence that you make for me.’ Travis whispered right back.
My eyes opened, as did his, and we sat upright enough that our foreheads no longer touched.
Our eyes only spoke. he knew the song I’d just prattle off in a stunned whisper, and he’d finished the lyric. He’d felt the same thing.
We just smiled.
If you even want to try and understand the ……. that moment… gt the song Easy Silence by the dixie chicks.
———
i’m posting this now as I don’t know when I’ll get another chance. The viewing – daylong and then funeral is today. It’s raining.
I’ll write more, Im sure. *sigh*
