November 18th, 2009 by Cy

Yesterday Evening I had the opportunity to go out to dinner with some wonderful people.  I believe it was a wonderful time – but you all know my inability at all things civilian – so maybe I am just hopeful? Who knows…. lol….. but either way I was thrilled to not only have an evening with @TheWocket, but his family as well.

In keeping with Why Not – Right? Tradition, I will be nicknaming the family….. because for someone reason I nickname everyone I blog about. Hopefully @TheWocket’s family won’t ever mind their newly formed nicknames

The reason for the dinner with @TheWocket’s entire, immediate is family is that on the 9th of November it was @MommaWocket’s birthday.  Due to schedules of @MommaWocket and the rest of the family, her official birthday dinner was scheduled for last night – and an invitation was kindly extended to me.

I met @MommaWocket at @NAMG’s wedding last Sept. At the wedding I was busy rushing about and din’t get to spend much time at all with @MommaWocket or @TheWocketPop – so it was nice to be able to do such yesterday evening.

@MommaWocket is an awesome lady! She has a total killer sense of humor and her smile is beautiful! She is a new Mac user and we sat some last evening speaking of the Mac laptop she had as well as the New OS Snow leopard. She is truly an excellent lady to talk to and has a great many talents.  I listened with absolute awe as she and @TheWocket spoke bowling lingo that my non-bowling ass had no earthly comprehension of. It was awesome. She also golf’s, rides Harley’s and does a vast amount of other things.   She’d be cool just for all she does and her personality, but seriously – a mother who rides a Harley. Folks that is cool as all hell!!!!!  I truly adore her and hope she had the happiest of birthdays

@TheWocketPop is just as delightfully funny and sly as @TheWocket. now I know where @TheWocket gets his evil grin from; @TheWocketPop! While @TheWocketPop’s eyes were bright and bold, he often remained observingly silent. He is the type of man you can see his mind working through his eyes.  He too has a great sense of humor, and has an endearingly kind side that just glows from within.   His mind works fast and he is quick witted which is totally awesome and his eyes twinkle with delight when he looks at @MommaWocket.  I’d love to sit and pick his brain, just because I am willing to bet his mind is incredible sharp and fantastically entertaining.

Of @TheWocket was present, and seeing him in the element of his family left me with tons of smiles. They are an incredible family and obviously he loves them very much.

Also at dinner was @IgoogleWocket – the sister. @IGoogleWocket is so funny, and a total “googlegirl” at heart – and how could I *not* love that… right???  At dinner we both ordered the exact same thing –  without even consulting one another, then later on we sat side by side as she googled stuff and I totally understood the whole “I’ll google it” ideal! I love, love, love the color of her hair…….. for some reason it just shimmers and sparkles – and it is natural!  She has a very right personality and she allowed me to view her pictures from her reccent cruise where she went cave tubing……  D00ds who does not love an @IgoogleWocket who Cave tubes……… I have never met another person who has done it until her. She TOTALLY RAWKS!!!!!

And I also had the privilege of meeting @BrainyWocket – @TheWocket’s Brother.  I call him @BrainyWocket because he seems so cerebral. We spoke of books last night and it is obvious by his reading list he is no fool. I have always loved minds of high intelligence and I believe @BrainyWocket to be one of them. Although quiet at first, as the night wore on we chatted so easily and naturally. He made me feel extremely comfortable, perhaps because we could easily discuss books? I don’t know, but like @TheWocketPop and @TheWocket, @BrainyWocket has a devious smile with a touch of mischief too it as well.  Delightful!

It was a wonderful evening. I was admittedly nervous. I *SO* don’t know how to do civilian outings such as this. But the entire @WOCKETFAMILY was so welcoming, so sweet, so funny and so interesting that my evening was amazing!!!  My thanks to each of them for such a wonderfully warm night when it was actually freezing and dreary here in Kansas City.

and @TheWocket – I think you are very lucky – your family in incredible! Thank You for introducing me to them. *kiss to cheek*

@cylithria, Dinner, Family, TheWocket, Why Not - Right?

November 11th, 2009 by Cy

a couple of years ago,  my biological mother and I were introduced via video conference.  I wish I could say it was a great. It wasn’t great and it wasn’t bad…. it just sort of was.  I got to hear her “story” if you will and I watched a woman who looked like me – no…. wrong, whom *I* looked like. It was………. interesting. Nice perhaps. It was simply…. an aspect of my convoluted life.

After that initial connection between my bio-mom and I, I never heard from her again. At one point the rumor mill told me she had died.  Again, the news wasn’t bad or good, it just was.

But for some reason, somewhere in the back of my mind I felt a need to confirm this woman’s death. I started investigating and voila….. Marlianna was NOT DEAD….. I located this woman, this biological mother I never knew in a run down facility – in a coma. Lupus had shut down her body to the point of coma and she was alone. No one to care for her…..

How ironic eh?

That was the year I shifted my everything financially. I felt I had to. I could not allow Marlianna to lie in filth, in poor care simply because that was all the state could afford.

I did so willingly and not because I felt an emotional pull towards the woman. I did it because it was the RIGHT thing to do. NO ONE should have to suffer simply because there is no one to care for them when they are ill and unable to care for themselves.

So in answer to the mysterious question, “But Cylithria if you retired where is your pay?”   – It’s been dedicated to a woman’s care, to keeping up with her estate bills and to use for her best interests.  That’s where. Judge at will.

Friday, Nov 6th I get the call – they have put Marlianna on breathing tube. She apparently got some infection…. it’s reeking havoc on her stagnant system. I sigh, and just accept that which we knew would come one day.

Saturday, Nov 7th – I get the call. Marlianna died.  My immediate reaction is an odd, empty sigh. Then silence. At first I told no one….. There was a lot going on and I’ll be damned if my personal shit was gonna add to any ill sensations at @NAMG’s home.  All these people, including me; came to enjoy each other and the weekend, announcing your bio-mom just died doesn’t bring about happy, happy joy, joy, in my opinion.

It was late Saturday Night… and inwardly I struggled with how to process Marlianna’s death. I knew the situation of her estate and that my retirement will be tied up for about 4 years to pay off everything. I am okay with that. Totally.   I also knew I was being a bit distant if given the opportunity to have a moment alone.

I needed time to process. I needed to know if I was sad, relieved, or …. what????? I mean this woman gave birth to me and GAVE ME UP so I could have a chance at a better life. I admired that, and yet…… I didn’t honestly know her. How was I to feel??? I just didn’t know.

Enter @TheWocket

Standing out in the “smoking section” of @NAMG’s house (The front porch) I am balancing on the bottom board of the porch rail, staring at the starry sky. @TheWocket comes outside and stand beside me. We chat sort of. Basically a “hey” exchange.

Then I look up at him and blurt it out. “My mother died.”

….

You know there were umpteen ways @TheWocket could have handled the situation. With the already high emotional energy in the house that night due to the chick fight, to say nerves were raw was an understatement. @TheWocket could have gasped, expressed deep, deep sadness and shock…. tried to coddle me thus allowing me to break down……. he could have simply stared at me unable to say a word. He didn’t do those things. Instead an arm went around me, a gentle, non-pressuring hug wrapped around me and he said “I’m sorry angel.”

No drama, no avoidance, no unrealistic reaction…. just quite acceptance and gentle support. For the first time ever, I felt accepted because @TheWocket didn’t have any expectations of me or for me, he was just there understanding me. I am a very lucky woman.

That’s @TheWocket and my mother, Marlianna.

The nice thing is with @TheWocket on the porch with me, the three minutes of tears and then the wash of relief and peace hit me quick enough. He truly is my best friend – above all others.

Thank you @TheWocket for being there for me.

So yeah…. that is the latest update on people in my life..or recently departed from me.

—–

Update on my health:

I made it to Kansas easily enough. I slept almost the entire trip. I spent the weekend carefully participating and also trying to rest and begin recover. The weekend was filled with laughter and I only had one time i needed the high power pain pill to get past the kidney pain.

Sunday all the company left and it was just myself and @NAMG, @JSTUD and @AID …..  by Monday I started truly feeling the weariness of the last few months. Since then I have been alternating between awake moments and unwanted but much needed restful naps.

I managed last night to eat a full bowl of dinner. Which as @NAMG can attest to, is a massive accomplishment. My ability to consume food has been compromised. but I am working on it.

I am weak. but the last two dys I have rested My brain should start coming back to me anytime now, which will be nice. I have been quiet online because thinking has been too damn hard. Sorry folks.

I managed to get my NaNoWriMo word count up to 21,163 so that is good i think. The story sucks and I am starting a new one tomorrow. But I am still writing.

Doc will be calling soon as Pancreas tests come back. The weight is … well slowly falling off instead of rapid weight loss, so right now……. I live hour by hour.

I’d love to be able to say I am getting better – but I can’t, not yet. Am I working on not stressing so I can go into Lupus Remission? Am Iworking towards a healthier body to fight off cancer, YES.   Am I better yet………… hell to the noes. So giving an update to me is pointless……… right now nothing has changed except my current physical location and my outlook. My health still blows bad.

But I am still alive. I am supporting friends through their losses as best I know how, which admittedly isn’t good enough but all I can offer. and I am learning how to accept help, truly rest and allow others to do for me.

Life is still filled with beauty and wonder for me.

That’s my explanation(s)

w00t

Death, TheWocket, Why Not - Right?

November 11th, 2009 by Cy

What a weekend. w00t.

Just in case you didn’t know, right now I am blogging from the land of Oz – Kansas to be precise.  I’m at @NAMG’ s house. In Kansas.

I left Michigan on Wednesday, right after finding out BriedBologna died. I arrived here in Kansas Thursday evening. It was a beautiful day Thursday. Hell the whole weekend was gorgeous. Being at @NAMG’s house has been truly wondrous….. it also got hairy or a few hours too. Let me explain.

First of all, after I post this blog post, I will be creating in the sidebar a “Cast of Characters” Feature. There, each member of the “Munchkins” (The nicname I have for the group of friends here) will be listed, with a bit of a blurb about who they are. Obviously they will all be nicnamed.

But Anyway – back to the most……….. whoa experience ever.

Stardate: November 7th 2009.

Tensions rise on the Benterprise. Despite the beautifully, awesome hospitality of @NAMG and her hubsternator; @JSTUD – some of the guests are out of sorts. The family has recently experienced a senseless death and as such each family member is coping differently.

The Benterprise not only is inhabited this weekend by @NAMG and @JSTUD but also by their group of guests: The Munchkins. = @THEWOCKET, @CYLITHRIA, @THEHUFFORD, @EVILCUTIE, @SEXYHAWTDADDY, @GLOWIE, @LONGESTPENISNAMEEVER and @AID.

It’s a full house. It’s a house that board gamers have gathered in. It is one of the funniest set or sets of conversations I have laid witness too.  For a time I thought it was all good. I personally mesh with these Munchkins excellently. Like minds… great minds…. twisted minds…. woot.

So Friday late evening (as guests arrive from out of town) and the Saturday were supposed to be filled with win.

At some point, it became apparent to all in the house that there was a Munchkin member who wasn’t as jovial as the rest of us??? Perhaps that is the wrong phrase…..   I can’t honestly say what the mindframe of the non jovial person was….. it was obvious though that the non jovial participant  was not ……… well…….. jovial.

*shrug*

For some reason, @NAMG and I Thought it would be special to take @Glowie out for lunch on Saturday. This plan included @EvilCutie as well and meant 4 womenfolk would head to Salina for a supposedly awesemo time….. while menfolk played games at The Benterprise.

Well………. that would have been great except the non jovial guest I spoke of was one of the womenfolk. And not me.

But we did go to a late lunch (near dinner time) just the four of us……

OH

DEAR

GAWD……

Chick fights………. I am sooooooooo not equipped for them.

The short of the fight….. sorta is like this. 1 chick, was upset. (Non jovial one)  2 Chick had tolerated just about enough of 1Chick’s omnipressent emotional wave of sluice.  1 Chick suddenly, and inexplicably BLEW UP at the public dinner table and 2 chick refused to take the emotional BS anymore.

Next thing ya know….. myself and the other lady of question sat going O_O as 2 Chick and 1 chick started YELLING and chick fighting (verbally).

In an Applebee’s. in Public….. No really…. YELLING……. like chicks who are mad do.

It was……………… o_O

so myself and the other non participating chick fighter, well we tried running mediation……. seriously……. but ya know heated chick fights are……. yeah no mediation……..

Then myself and the other non participating chickfighter tried leading 1 Chick and 2 chick out of the restaurant because they were going at it so bad, we feared police would soon show.

It spiraled downhill after that.

More dinenr table chick fight.

Parking lot chick fight

Car chick fight.

Gas station chick fight

d00ds…….. whoa.

Now I have to be honest here. 2 chick, actually made a very sincere attempt to apologize for her outburst to 1 chick. It was one of the most sincere, heartfelt apologies I have heard actually.

1 chick wanted nothing to do with the apology. 2 chick wanted 1 chick to apologize for how 1 chick felt. 1 chick apologized for mode of delivery of her feelings but not the feelings themselves.  That infuriated 2 chick even more and I shit you NOT folks,

as the car pulled into The Benterprise parking lot. I litterally jumped out of the moving vehicle and ran inside the house to look at the menfolk and declare “OH FUCK NO!”

Then i found wine.

and avoided the chick fight.

Well the other non fighting woman at dinner and I went for a walk to clear our heads …. and once we returned, everyone in the house separated into two groups. One group upstairs playing games

One group downstairs playing a game.

All was well. we were all laughing, we were all okay. myself and other non participating chick thought it was all better.

IT WASN’T.

1 Chick and her hubby, suddenly, inexplicably packed their shit and left…….. in the middle of the night………. as game night went onward.  How fucked up and rude is that?

Now granted, I don’t know these people’s pains and I don’t judge them.

Wait – Maybe I do.

You see what wasn’t known at that time………… was as these two chicks fought onward about being selfish, self absorbed, mean, inconsiderate and everything else (words exchanged between the two women) – my biological mother who’s been on life support for years – died…. and I was informed. I told no one at first. because like…………. as if they’d care.

So ya know in some strange way, this weekend, during that whole chick fight thing……. I am damn glad I am not all chick.

Two both ladies who argued and chick fought……… REALLY????? REALLY????? Is THAT how friends should act?  Chick friends?  REALLY??

I give credit to 2 chick. she did try t apologize. She tried to move onward past the chick fight……… she tried. 1 chick wants nothing more then an apology she writes herself and 2 chick recites.

I want nothing more then to sit back and go what the fuck duck????

Cuz chick fights are mean. long, loud, rude, and ugly. I am so ashamed of my gender at times.

In the end, I know 1 chick is sad and accepts complete responsibility for her delivery of what she had to say to the omnipressently over emotionally sluicing 2 chick. -

1 chick continues to remain positive that 2 chick wants no friendship.

1 chick is wrong- but such is 1 chick’s choice i guess.

It really fucking sucked that as I sat with my friends, as my last remaining blood tie to this earth passed, i had to endure that shit instead of get a hug.

FUCKED UP.

Fortunately, later I got those hugs of support, from 2 of my 3 dinner mates. The selfishly hurting one went home……. her loss.

I was hurting too……… you didnt see me running around neurotically yelling, crying and being a general ass.

I epically failed at being a chick this weekend.

THANK YOU JESUS

November 10th, 2009 by Cy

I am all about sharing. With my recent trip to Kansas, I have been brought back into The Game.

For a time, I escaped it – almost. Now I am once again embroiled in it.  And now – so are YOU.

Mwahahahahaha even if I die, the Game goes on.

OORAH

I Lost The Game, Why Not - Right?

November 4th, 2009 by Cy

Zero Four Hundred Hours.

My Phone Rings. The Voice is familiar. The News is bad.

I just blogged about him, yesterday. I was telling Tessa about him and the others just a few nights ago. BriedBologna is dead. Killed in Action.

Today I leave on a trip, despite my health. Today I will be free to go by my choice. Today the world is less one Man. Today…….. the hole in my heart is nearly as bad as the day my sons died.

DAMNIT ALL TO HELL…….

Semper Fi and Sleep Sweetly my BriedBologna – Semper Fi

BriedBologna, Semper Fi, Why Not - Right?